one little word

Really want to make a difference?  Make sure this word is part of your vocabulary:  thanks.  It's pretty simple - when someone does something for you, however big or small, say thanks!  When people say it to me, it really makes my day.

 

During the course of the week, I do various volunteer efforts, and I really enjoy giving of my time and hopefully helping the life of other people.  I don't have any great expectations of something coming my way as a result of what I do, but you know what?  I get something often - a thank you!

 

Wow!  It's really hard to describe, but when someone indicates that they appreciate what you just said or what you just did, that is a pretty special feeling.  I'm going to try to be more conscious of saying it myself. 

Expand your horizons!

Expanding our horizons is one fairly easy way to change the world. When we increase the range of things that we know about or have experienced, we open up so many new possibilities. Is trying something new every day a pretty tall order? Consider doing it every week with at least one bigger thing every month.

Now to make this work, it might help to write some things down on your calendar. Certainly you can leave some events to chance, but planning ahead will give you a much better chance of success. Begin with events that take place in or near your community such as concerts or parades or fairs. How may of them have you always said "someday I should do that"? Well, why not make the next event your someday?

 

It's amazing how rewarding it is to broaden your horizons!  You don't have to limit yourself to scheduled events too.  Go out and try new things like tutoring a student, serving food to the homeless, answering phones at your favorite non-profit, or maybe some daredevil idea like bungee jumping or skydiving.  Go on a retreat for a weekend, either with a group, or by yourself.  There are so many possibilities!  Oh and if you really want to benefit, share your experiences as well!

Just a little background

If you are stumbling upon this blog for the first time today, welcome!  Glad you found us and hope you will check out some of the previous entries.  What I write about here is making a difference in the world - ways to do it, the many ways of giving back and the folks who are leading the way and already making a difference.  I am fortunate to receive an occasional email and every now and then someone even posts a comment at the end of these daily entries.  I sure don't have all the answers, so I am always grateful for the feedback!

I might from time to time reference my family or my own life by way of introducing the subject, but I don't spend much time talking about myself because, as the title says, It's NOT about me.  That's important to me too.  I don't want the messenger to ever end up taking the place of the message.

It's hard to believe I started this seventeen years ago!  Eight years ago I began another blog about kindness.  My fingers do a lot of typing.  I don't think though that I will ever run out of things to say.

Giving back to our communities - sharing the love - making a difference in our world - that is so important and that is why, several years ago, I began writing this.  It is my hope that it occasionally inspires someone and that just maybe another person will get out and do some great thing after having read this.  Please feel free to tell folks about this and please feel free to comment and to send me messages!  We ALL are in this!

do not crumple, scar, or mess up

Here's a story you may have heard before. It's about a teacher who was telling her class about bullying and gave them an exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry.

Sometimes a child who is bullied will later receive apologies, but the damage is done. In this exercise, even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child - they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever.

Hardly a day goes by when I don't see something about bullying. The It Gets Better Project has done some amazing videos aimed particularly at lgbtq youth. Let me be clear though. While gay kids are so often the targets of bullies, ALL bullying is bad. We need to get rid of it ALL.

The kids in that classroom learned an important lesson. The looks on the faces of the children told their teacher that the message had indeed hit home. I hope this hits home with all of you too!  Last week I wrote each day here about bullying, because it is important.  WE can make a difference. Bullying must STOP!

Never worry about numbers

When you care about other people - when you want to change the world and make this a better place, we so often think in terms of numbers.  We want to make it better for everyone.  Suddenly though we feel overwhelmed and so we stop.  We wanted to do good but because we felt we wouldn't make "enough" of a difference, we ended up doing nothing at all.

I can relate to this.  I always think big and urge others to do so as well, but numbers really are not all that important.  What we need to do is to get involved and to stick with it!  Step by step - one by one, our grassroots efforts really do make a difference.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, now Saint Teresa, proved this during her lifetime.  She spoke of it too.  "Never worry about numbers," she said.  "Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you."

Rule to live by

Some people say they have a code of ethics or a rule to live by. The whole "giving back" idea that I write about here every day, I think is a form of this code.  Many refer to it as the Golden Rule.

 

It really is quite basic: we should treat others as we would like others to treat us. Not hard to understand, right? It is generally stated as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

 

There is a "two-way" relationship between us and the others in our world and that relationship involves both sides equally. None of us likes to have too many regulations, but we all should have some kind of positive rule to live by. This is just basic human values.

 

I can remember when people used to quote this rule.  I can remember when it was common for people to actually live by it too. We can go back to that again. It is possible.

Getting rid of prejudice

"Prejudice and contempt, cloaked in the pretense of religious or political conviction are no different. These forces have nearly destroyed our nation in the past. They plague us still. They fuel the fanaticism of terror. And they torment the lives of millions in fractured nations all around the world."  President Bill Clinton spoke those words in his second Inaugural Address back in January, 1997.

Mr. Clinton went on to say "These obsessions cripple both those who hate and, of course, those who are hated, robbing both of what they might become. We cannot, we will not, succumb to the dark impulses that lurk in the far regions of the soul everywhere. We shall overcome them. And we shall replace them with the generous spirit of a people who feel at home with one another."

It has been twenty-eight years and yet the prejudice and contempt that former President Clinton spoke of are still around.  To me it seems to be getting worse.  He said that we shall overcome them, but when?  Are we working on it at all?  Are we even trying?

What do YOU think?

Pot of Gold

Have you been going through life looking for your pot of gold? Are you disappointed that huge riches have not come your way, or have you become quite happy with another kind of wealth? It may seem odd, but I never really cared about having a lot of money or fancy material things. Yes, I know this is supposed to be NOT about me, and no, I'm not about to tell you a story of growing up middle class where we just barely made ends meet. There are plenty of other folks with similar stories. Mine is really not unique.

One cool thing I have always liked about Saint Patrick's Day, is on this one day of the year, we are all Irish. Of course we aren't really, but we all celebrate in a positive manner. Let's all wear green and let's all think about luck. Let's all embrace each other whether rich or poor. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do that every day of the year?

Actually, we can all be one. We also can all experience our own pot of gold. Perhaps not gold coins are in our future, but happiness comes in many forms. Making people smile - that is gold right there! Do something nice for someone else, and you will feel like the richest person on earth. Don't go looking for a pot of gold because you already have it inside you. The key is to enjoy it!

one small spark

Jason Chu said it himself: "one small spark can light the whole night. So one small life can fight the good fight." This has not been the greatest year for so many of us, but Jason keeps on encouraging us. Jason keeps lighting those sparks. Jason keep fighting the good fight.

If this seems like a bit of déjà vu, yes I have indeed written here before about Jason. Based in Los Angeles, he is a rapper, poet, activist, storyteller, and an encourager. He keeps pretty busy too, even during the pandemic.  I find myself checking out his youtube videos over and over. 

He didn't just begin being active.  Over the years, Jason has done a lot.  He performed at the Obama White House, opened for Snoop Dogg, has written and recorded a lot of music, oh and he has a degree in Philosophy from Yale. Despite his many accomplishments though, he stays grounded and is kind, caring, and down-to-earth.  His lyrics can be fun and uplifting and he also can encourage, and make us think.

To me, Jason is the very definition of hero. He makes a difference. We all should be encouraged by him ad follow his lead. To quote him once again, "But I’ve learned: a hero isn’t about being super We become heroes because of what makes us human."

Strawberry, vanilla, or chocolate?

Listening to a talk show the other day, I heard a well-meaning person several times speak of "lifestyle" and "sexual preference" when talking about lesbians and gays. Well, after the smoke came out of my ears, I realized it was time to do one of those "educational" posts.

First off, it is NOT a preference! Let me give you an example of preference. Some people eat vanilla ice cream. Some like chocolate better. My favorite happens to be strawberry. Of course I will eat any of those flavors. I love ice cream. What we are talking about here though is a preference. I prefer strawberry. It is my personal preference.

Now when it comes to dating men or dating women, this is NOT a preference matter. I do not simply like one better than the other. Oh no! I am ONLY attracted in a sexual and in a romantic way to men. I am gay. It is my orientation, NOT my preference. It's also not a lifestyle choice. You don't wake up one morning and say "I'm going to wear the gay outfit today."

Now I am sure that someone may disagree with all of this, so I ask as I always do for your comments below. I'd love to know if anyone agrees. From where I sit though there is a big difference and saying sexual preference suggests what we make a choice, when in fact our orientation was predetermined and was not our choice. So, what do YOU think? Any thoughts?

Shrink-wrapped life

You have probably heard jokes about the shrink-wrapped furniture that some folks have in their house.  Don't sit on the couch.  It might get dirty!  I've actually been to homes where the chairs and sofa are covered with plastic.  People actually try to save their furniture for special occasions and to keep them clean.

 

I suppose nobody wants a dirty couch, but guess what?  It's supposed to get dirty!  It's supposed to get used!  You bought the couch to sit on, not to use as some sort of museum piece.

 

We can put all of our possessions on a shelf and save them for just the right time, but who decides when that right time is?  Do we really want to lead a shrink-wrapped life?  "Don't smile too much - it might cause wrinkles."  Oh the things I hear sometimes.  "My friend gave me that and I'm saving it for just the right moment." 

 

That bottle of wine, your plastic covered furniture, the jewelry you have in that seldom-opened box - it ALL should be broken out now!  What are you waiting for?  Don't waste your life looking for moments still to come.  Embrace what is already here.  Just being alive is a special occasion.  Being part of humanity is something that should be enjoyed every single day.  Don't keep waiting for a special occasion.  The special occasion is already here!

 

suggested subjects

Equality and fairness are spoken of here often along with a number of charities and several people who happen to be heroes of mine. I've also written a lot about community activism, animal cruelty, hate crimes, donations and volunteerism, and all kinds of ways to make a difference in this world. Are there subjects I am missing? Can you think of some areas I should say more about?  I KNOW everything hasn't been covered.

I love to tell the story of those wonderful people who inspire me. Hopefully they inspire you as well. Some of these folks I have written about a number of times (and will likely write about them again). Since this blog is NOT about me, it really shouldn't be just my subject picks either. That's where you can really help out.

Do you know some superstars that I should bring to everyone's attention? Are there some charities or causes that really need to be talked about? Making this world a better place is a pretty big subject, but perhaps you can all help me break it down a bit more. Leave some comments below, and we can head in a number of different directions.  I'd love to see suggested subjects from many of you!

strive to be happy

Our nation's 16th president, Abraham Lincoln once said “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I really believe that too. WE control whether or not we are happy.

Yes, everything in life does not turn out the way we might want it and there can certainly be some very trying moments, but anger, frustration, sorrow, are all filled with negativity. There is always something positive in our lives, even if it might take some time to look for it. It might not always be easy either. Being happy though is actually a choice we make. We should choose to be happy above anything else.

This isn't a new idea at all. Aristotle is quoted as saying "Happiness depends upon ourselves." Max Ehrmann's Desiderata closes with these words: “Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”  Like I said, it might not always be easy, but the joy of happiness is its own reward!

The Balloons

I find this very easy to write this Wednesday morning because I'm going to share someone else's story.  I have no idea who wrote this.  It's one of those things you find on the internet from time to time.

One day a professor gave a balloon to each of her students, who had to inflate it, write their name on it, and throw it in the hallway. The professor then mixed all the balloons and gave the students five minutes to find their own balloon. There was a hectic search, but nobody found their own balloon. 

It was then that the professor told the students to take any balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. In just minutes, everyone had found their own balloon. 

The professor then told them "These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is only looking for their own. When we care about other people's happiness, we'll find ours too."

This is a story about sharing and about working together and about caring.  As I said, I didn't come up with the idea, but I hope it has some meaning to you.

The Ripple Effect

We've been having a couple of really tough years, but there also has been a lot of good.  When I see people reaching out and helping each other, especially during difficult times, to me it makes it extra special. I see it in the news more and more, and I see people I know doing incredible things.  The other day, a woman said to me that she loved making people happy because it makes her happy. She said it was a ripple effect.  Indeed.

I know I have told the story here many times about how each one of us can do what seems like a small thing, but when someone else also does it, and then another person, and another, and still another, it keeps growing. It's that ripple effect. Each ripple gets a little bigger.

I'm not the only one who has talked about this before. The late Senator Robert Kennedy said, "Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, it sends out a tiny ripple of hope." That's a pretty encouraging message.

Living in the past

Are you living in the moment or are you stuck where you used to be; where you always have been? Do you have appreciation for the present, or have you gotten stuck in the past? What about the future? Are you looking ahead or do your eyes seem to be focused on your rearview mirror?

 

Yes, there is comfort in familiarity, but there is also a complete lack of adventure.  We also never advance or go forward if we aren't willing to take risks and try new and different things.  I'm not saying we should throw out tradition, but we can keep it and still add new things.

 

How about this very minute in your life - are you enjoying it or are you thinking about something from yesteryear?  My experience has shown me the great joy of cherishing every single moment and at the same time looking ahead to the newness of life and the adventures we have along the way. 

 

"Oh, I can't wait for this day to end!"  How many of us have said this?  The sad thing is that we are missing the beauty of now.  Years ago on the radio, I used to say "Smell the flowers along the way.  They're only here for a very short while and they need a lot of love to grow."  Living in the past keeps us from the joy of knowing the now and the future.  Live each moment and be glad!

Women of the World

Today being International Women's Day, I wanted to shine the spotlight on a number of females from around the world, who did remarkable things through the ages.  Some of these names you know, but all of these names you should know.  I'm going to list a lot of people.  If you haven't heard of them, take a moment and look them up.

Long before our time there were Cleopatra of Egypt, Elizabeth I of England, Joan of Arc, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Olympe de Gouges, and Catherine the Great of Russia.  Most of these names are familiar from our history classes, but there are probably many things you don't know about them.  Make it a point to find out more.

More recently we have Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Corazon Aquino, Eleanor Roosevelt, Margaret Chase Smith, Barbara Jordan, and Harriet Tubman.  Add to the list Margaret Mead, Jane Goodall, Florence Nightingale, Clara Barton, Rosa Parks, Emily Dickinson, Alice Walker, and Katharine Jefferts Schori.  (I could easily triple this list and then some).

Again, check out these women if you don't already know of their fame.  My point here is let's stop being so male dominated.  Women hold up half the sky and it's high time they were treated with respect and equality.  Let me be clear too - I am talking about ALL of our sisters, not only our CISters.

Babies Don't Hate

This is a baby. Yes, I know that is obvious, but there are a few other obvious things about babies that I would like to point out.

 

Babies don't hate you because of your skin color and they don't hate you because of your race or your gender identity or your sexual orientation. Babies don't hate you because of your weight or your religion or your sex. Yes, it may be obvious, but in fact babies don't hate you for any reason at all! Do you know why? They don't understand the concept. They don't know how to hate.

 

A wonderful article several years ago titled See Baby Discriminate said that children as young as six months could judge others based on their skin color. Where are they getting these ideas? Who is teaching our children? The answer of course is that we are. We are teaching discrimination. We are teaching hate. We are taking away the innocence of our children.

 

Parents and teachers are not bad. That's not my message here. What I am saying is that babies come into the world without any notion of hate. Let's not give it to them! 

Story from a taxi driver

Once before, I shared this story with you that I had found on the internet.  The author is unknown, but it was not me.  I'm sharing it again because several people have requested it.  I have no idea if any of it is true, but I do know how inspirational it is.  I hope you agree -

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. 

The Boy and the Starfish

All good stories begin with "Once upon a time," right? Well here's one, that was adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley (1907-1977). You might find it reminding you of a similar story I recently told about a dog, and the message is really the same, so read on.

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a little boy, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" said the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the boy replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

Indeed. It made a difference for every single starfish the boy threw into the water. The message this morning is clear, and it's one I have I shared over and over. WE can make a difference. WE can be superheroes. WE can do some pretty incredible things. If we throw our hand up in surrender and don't even try to make this a better world, of course we won't be giving back, but each of us can and should give back in our own way. If it seems overwhelming and that our contributions won't make a bit of difference, remember the story of the boy and the starfish!

Let's eat Daddy

"Let's eat Daddy!"  What?!  Of course nobody has any interest in chowing down on their father.  There is a missing coma which changes the whole meaning.  We are actually suggesting to our father that it is time for a meal.  "Let's eat, Daddy!"

Right about now you are probably thinking that I have lost my mind but hold tight dear readers.  I do have a point coming up.  Mom used to always refer to today as a command.  When you pronounce it, there is no difference of course.  The difference comes in the spelling.  We can all march forth on March Fourth.  The point of all of this my friends is that today is also National Grammar Day. Martha Brockenbrough, founder of the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar and the author of Things That Make Us [Sic], established National Grammar Day back in 2008, deciding that a date and an imperative was the perfect time for such an observance.

 

Good grammar is not just about proper placement of commas of course.  Good grammar can help us to be better understood.  That can be a key to our communication.

 

There is a historical connection to March 4th too.  That is the date on which our federal government used to begin and in fact our earlier presidents were inaugurated on March 4th. Today is also National Pound cake Day!  So march forth on this March Fourth and improve your grammar, while enjoying some delicious pound cake, and then march on and change the world!

Give Me A Number

One day at the hospital where I volunteer, I overheard family members talking about an elderly patient.  "I'm not spending money on that," said one.  "She probably won't be alive much longer anyway so it wouldn't be worth it."

This isn't the first time I heard people talk numbers.  During the COVID-19 pandemic I heard several times that some people would die, but not enough to be worried about.  When should we be concerned then?  Please, give me a number.

There are many wonderful people in this world doing great things, and it gives me pleasure to be able to write about some of them here and about things we can all do to make a difference.  From time to time though I just have to comment on the other side of the coin.  There sadly are people who just don't care about others.  I don't get it.  I really don't.  I especially don't understand the preoccupation with numbers.

Every single person is entitled to the chance at happiness from the moment they are born until the day they day.  It's not a case of some being expendable.  It isn't that someone has lived a long time and therefore no longer deserves to live.  That is simply nonsense.  It doesn't matter who says otherwise - they are wrong.  There isn't an age when people are no longer worthy.

Calling all heroes

Here in this space I write about all kinds of heroes.  Some are enduring heroes and some only for a moment for one action they did.  There is also a lot of disagreement about who is a hero.  I have written here that Colin Kaepernick is a hero, but I got a number of responses disagreeing with me.  Can singers and dancers be heroes?  What about an actor?  How about politicians?  Perhaps your big brother is your hero.

Who do YOU call a hero?  What is it that makes them a hero?  Is it one thing or many things that they do?  Did they perform some incredible act? Do we need heroes in our lives these days?  What do YOU think?  Let us hear from you in the comments section below.  Is there someone who is a hero to you?

Maybe there is a better word for it.  I'd like to know about that too.

Let's Make A Difference

It's time to play everyone's favorite game (which can easily become everyone's favorite way of life) .   .   . Let's Make A Difference!

 

So do we choose what is behind door number one?  Perhaps we would rather go to door number two?  What do you think?  Is number three the best choice?  Life isn't really a game, but we are faced with many decisions along the way.  Which ones should we choose?  Which ones are best for us, and best for others as well?

 

There are many ways to make a difference in this world, and it isn't just about trading that boiled egg in your purse for a new car (huh?  how many of you got that one?).  Think about it.  What can you do to bring positive change to this world?  What can you do that will be good both now and for generations to come?  What can you do that will really make a difference?

 

The clock is ticking.  It would be nice if we could all make it to the bonus round!  Let's do it!  Let's Make A Difference!!

 

(My guilty pleasure is watching old game shows on buzzr and GSN).